Too much testosterone

I wonder who invented the theory that every male needs to have a recliner and a tv remote. Is this true for others or a rare occurrence that only happens in my house? Maybe it is more prominent in my house because I have 4 boys and not enough recliners and tv's with satellite to go around! You'd think with 6 tv's in the house we could make everyone happy, but sadly... no. Only 3 out of the 6 have a satellite receiver connected to them. The 3 in the boys' rooms just have regular tv and they mostly use them to watch movies and play their video games. This used to be sufficient until they all turned into couch potatoes and insist upon having their own chair, tv and remote while they all watch the SAME CHANNEL!!! I walk through the house and hear Drake & Josh in stereo as it echoes from every tv. Insanity, I tell you!!
Dennis is in no way innocent either. He is the ring leader of the bunch. He is the only one allowed to have a drink and food in the living room (for obvious reasons) and he takes full advantage of it. His boots come off right in front of the recliner, the table next to his chair quickly fills with empty water bottles (or beer cans, whichever he is in the mood for) and an endless stack of candy and gogurt wrappers. Unless we are watching a movie, I can't stand to watch tv with him because he hates commercials and is always watching 2 or 3 shows at a time. Way too much for me to keep up with. That is when I retire to our room to watch Lifetime or read a book.
Speaking of the male species... I don't know how I am going to make it much longer. I'm pretty sure that I am going to have to ban my children from going to the neighborhood park. It was 2 months ago when Weston came home crying and had broken his wrist and today Garrett came home with half of his face purple and swollen! He walked in the door and tried to hide it from me.... like I really wouldn't notice. What was he thinking! He of course gave me some song and dance about how he had just slipped and fell against the picnic table, but I know better... the little shit was up on the tables jumping back and forth! Table tag, I believe they call it.
Would it really be considered child abuse if I chained my kids to their beds to save them from themselves??