Black Reunion

Another reunion.....more bald family members. Thanks everyone. I love you!!

TIRED

Yes, it's me. I am still here and hanging on the best I can. I have thought about posting many times but I have so many things on my mind lately that I am afraid if I started writing I would never stop. So much to say that it is easier to say nothing at all. All I know is that I am TIRED all the time and not just physically tired. Mentally and emotionally too.
Tired of having stupid cancer
Tired of not being able to sleep
Tired of taking so many pills
Tired of being sick
Tired of trying to be brave
Tired of laying in bed for a week at a time
Tired of not being able to function like I used to
Tired of not being able to do things with my kids
Tired of looking at myself in the mirror and wondering who it is because it doesnt look like me
Tired of going to doctor appointments
Tired of my tongue and mouth being numb
Tired of not being able to taste my food
Tired of feeling different
Tired of wondering if people know I am wearing a wig
Tired of having to wear a wig or hat
Tired of wondering "What if..."
and worst of all....
Tired of worrying if I will be here to watch my children grow up

Now if that ain't a bonified complaint list I don't know what is.
Don't get me wrong.... I am not depressed (everyday)... just a little sad and feeling sorry for myself sometimes. I shouldn't though because there are sooooo many people that are going through the same thing and possibly even worse. This was a disease that I was afraid of and still am. I used to be scared to even say CANCER. I thought I would jinx myself or something. Now I can say that I know more about it then I ever wanted to.
This was never in my "plan" obviously, but my husband always quotes a line from the Van Zant song that says..."If you want to hear God laugh...tell him your plan". I guess this is what was in the cards for me and I will have to deal with it the best I can. Thank God I have such a wonderful husband and family to help me!! I don't know how I could do it without them. My husband and boys all shaved their heads for me as did my brother, 2 of my brother-in-laws, 3 nephews and 4 of our friends. 15 total!!! Well, 16 baldies if you count me!
My pity party is over now... I feel much better!

Here are some of the baldies... we were camping when they all shaved their heads

I thought I better take a picture with the last bit of hair I had left!!

My bald boys

Cute pictures of the boys

Thankful.....

My life has definitely been crazy and unpredictable lately, but I thank God everyday for the wonderful things and people that I have in my life. I am truly blessed and thankful for every minute!!

Dennis- My dear, sweet, red-neck husband....I can honestly count on two hands the many times that I want to strangle you on a daily basis. All of that pales in comparison though to the wonderful husband and father that you are. Thank you for always being the strong one during the times that I am unable to be.

Braxton- You are such a huge help and definitely the "man of the house" when dad is gone. I know that I can always count on you to be reponsible and do the right thing. I am so proud of the choices that you have made and the man that you have become.

Weston- You are and have always been my little cuddle bug!! I know that no matter how big you are you will always have a big hug and kiss for me. You have such a huge heart and you care so much about everyone. I cant believe my little 4 lb preemie is now the hottie in the neighborhood that has all the girls blushing!!

Garrett- You are so focused on things and cant stand to be second best at anything. I enjoy listening to your stories about the books you have read and all of the sports statistics that you can quote. You are smart beyond your years and I know that you will accomplish whatever you set your mind to.

Brody- My wonderful, sweet but spoiled baby!! Whatever would we have done without you. I cant even imagine our lives without you in it. I cant wait to see your face every morning even if you have kept me up all night saying "Bas--ket--ball" in your grandpa voice. You truly have made our family complete.

Mom- You are the strongest woman that I know and I wish that one day someone will be able to say that about me. You have been a wonderful example and still are. I love knowing that when something good or bad happens, I can call you first and you will be there to listen.

Trina- You have come a long way from the spoiled little sister that I once knew. I know that I can always count on you when I need to talk or just get out of the house. You have grown into such an independent woman and I am very proud of you!

Tammy- You have been a constant in my life for as long as I can remember. You were always willing to keep a secret or give advice when needed. I know that you will always be there when I need help or need to talk and it means alot to know that you love my children like your own.

Thank you everyone for loving me and taking care of me when I have needed your help. (Don't think you are off the hook now though because I have many plans for all of you over the next couple months!!) We'll just have to say that I owe you one...or two....or ten!!!